Why Filler Words Save Relationships But Can Tank Presentations

Why do we have ah-counters at Toastmasters meetings? That’s easy to answer: filler words can make a speaker look less professional, less confident, less authoritative. Reliance on filler words can be not only distracting, but annoying (my own habit of prefacing random sentences with “so” annoys me whenever I hear a recording). We should aim for 100% eradication, right?

That’s the Toastmasters philosophy; the full truth is more complicated. Filler words are a subset of a broader class of types of speech known in linguistic circles as discourse markers (DMs). DMs do not refer to the subject of the discussion; instead, they manage the conversation itself. Here are some examples in italics (with the purpose of the DM in parentheses):

• As I was saying, the weather forecast makes it not a good idea to go on a hike. (Resuming your place in the conversation after an interruption)

• Thanks for asking – my granddaughter’s fine now. (Showing appreciation)

• I hate to break it to you, but it’s essential we get this done by next week. (Softening bad news)

• As a matter of fact, it was cheaper at Vons. (Cueing the speaker that you’re about to contradict him/her)

In other words, DMs both orient the listener(s) to what’s going on in the conversation, and they take care of relationship dynamics. They prevent potential misunderstandings and hurt feelings – would anyone say that these are not important things to do in conversation?

It turns out that what we call filler words are often used as DMs to serve these same functions. Their value in our verbal output is ignored by Toastmasters, I think, for two reasons. First, the emphasis is on one-way speeches where this guidance makes sense, not the back-and-forth flow of two-way conversation where this guidance makes less sense.

Second, Toastmasters recommendations have not incorporated the results of newer linguistic research. We now know that all languages studied so far have filler words, and some of these filler words rank amongst the most frequent utterances in those languages. It’s hard to believe that utterly useless “mouth farts” are so ubiquitous and commonly used.

That doesn’t mean that the ah-counter function isn’t important at our meetings. It’s a critical role, since many of us unconsciously use fillers as crutches, especially when nervous (at the end of this blog you’ll find a tip to reduce your filler words). Awareness is key, so that we can make decisions about how we want to speak given the circumstances. Ideally, we could “code-switch” at will, speaking formally in the board room, and colloquially with our friends at a bar.

Let’s look at how some common filler terms convey meaning in conversation:

• You know: I, the speaker, and you, the listener, have shared knowledge; we are part of a common group; I don’t have to spell things out for you because you get it; you probably agree with me. This filler is a bonding term, a shortcut for a lengthier explanation, and an implied assumption of shared values/opinions.

• Kinda/sorta: approximately, indistinctly; one example of a larger group; I’m not certain of the details and am being transparent about my lack of knowledge.

• Like: similar to kinda/sorta; I’m giving you a metaphor; I’m making a specific more universal (“it’s, like, when you…”).

• Well: I’m thinking it over; I have to consider this a moment; this will be a thoughtful response.

• Ah/um (and other non-word utterances): I have to pause to figure out what I want to say next, but I’m not done speaking, so please don’t interrupt me.

Interruptions don’t exist in the Toastmasters universe, so no wonder they’ve forgotten about this purpose. They sure do exist in the real universe! Have you tried going silent for a while to think in a standard conversation? Usually, someone fills in the gap, cutting off your thinking process and you never make the point you wanted to make. That’s because you did not signal your turn-taking intent with an expected DM.Some people, instead of using a filler word to indicate thinking, might raise a hand to chest level, palm out – this is a nonverbal DM.

You’ll notice that these fillers are usually the most efficient way to transmit their meanings. For example, replace “um/uh” with “could you not interrupt while I collect my thoughts?” One syllable versus 12. And in casual situations, other ways sound weird – try replacing every “kinda/sorta” you say with “approximately.”

In club meetings, we pay attention to vocal variety, facial expression and gestures; these are parts of our toolkit to make sure that the audience understands our purpose. In one-to-one conversation, we add fillers to this toolkit, especially to manage the social and emotional components of our relationships.

Compare these two answers to the following question from a friend: “Would you like to come over Friday night and see more of my international snail shell collection?”

1. “No, thank you. I’m busy.”

2. “Oh, wow, that’s nice of you. Let’s see, uh, thinking about my schedule this week. Hmm, yeah, turns out I do have something going on that night. But, you know, thanks for inviting me!”

Which answer is kinder? While the second answer might sound phony, at least the responder made an effort to show that it was a difficult decision because s/he values the friendship. We use fillers all the time to “soften the blow” in situations that could otherwise lead to hard feelings. The filler word/minute rate almost always goes up during emotional landmine situations. This is in part because speech hesitancy goes up when a person is not being fully honest, something that professional investigators know well.

To support these statements, here are quotes from the linguistics text, Discourse Markers by Deborah Schiffrin, PhD (1987):

• Discourse markers - the particles oh, well, now, then, you know and I mean, and the connectives so, because, and, but and or - perform important functions in conversation.

• The study concludes that [discourse] markers provide contextual coordinates which aid in the production and interpretation of coherent conversation at both local and global levels of organization.

What does this mean for ah-counters at our meetings? The following are my opinions; you might disagree.

1. In the initial introduction to the role, please mention that this is not to make anyone feel bad, it’s just to make us aware. I wonder how many guests don’t come back because, on top of the intimidating idea of speaking to a group, they think they will be judged negatively on their filler word count.

2. Could we please stop saying that once you’ve been in Toastmasters long enough, you can’t stand to hear filler words? Instead of using negative, personal terminology, let’s use positive, general terminology, such as, “Reducing our filler words can make us more professional and compelling speakers.”

3. Be careful counting connector words. “So” can appropriately signify a cause-and-effect relationship between preceding and subsequent statements. “And” can signify a close link between two statements (rather like a semi-colon), which may be legit even if it’s used at the beginning of a sentence. Was the conjunction really a crutch word, or was it used to convey meaning? This is somewhat subjective, so make your call and then don’t worry about it. Frequency of usage may help you decide.

4. Was the speaker aiming for an informal, colloquial style? In that case, filler words may be appropriate for the effect s/he’s going for. If you’re going to count them, at least mention that you realize this may be the intent.

   1. Does anyone use “Well” as an unconscious filler anymore? It seems antiquated. I suspect that it’s usually used with purpose to appear thoughtful and relatable.

   2. If the speaker is quoting another person, doing a caricature, or attempting humor, counting fillers (at least for that portion of the talk) is usually not appropriate.

5. Could we please stop using the term “clean” for the absence of fillers? I realize that this might be a hard habit for some of us to break, but the implication is that filler words are dirty defilements, instead of the useful terms that they so often are in our daily lives. Other possible ways to say it are, “None,” “Nothing,” “No fillers” or “Clear.”

But how can we reduce unwanted fillers when giving speeches? As Scott Berkun says in Confessions of a Public Speaker (2010):

• Umms and uhhs… are verbal placeholders. They make sense when talking casually, but when you’re speaking to an audience, they’re annoying. You can overcome the habit by learning to simply pause in silence. It’s unnerving at first to be at the lectern in a silent room, but it creates a new kind of power that is free and easy to get at any time. When the room is silent, all eyes return to you.

In conclusion, I’d like to express my gratitude to all our ah-counters. Instead of relaxing to enjoy what people are saying, you’ve volunteered for the high-attention task of helping us fix our blind spots. You may help some of us get that next job or promotion. We appreciate you!

Elaine P.